The Heart will Lead Us Home, and Maybe to Italy!

My sister-in-law, Mai Ling, who is studying the principles of quantum physics, asked me if it was an accident that I won a two-week trip to Italy for two from my local radio station just by clicking on a link? Years ago I joined KBCO 97.3 as an “interactive member” online when I hoped to participate in a pre-sale for Dave Matthews tickets. I found out after the Italian drawing that I was the only one chosen out of thousands of interactive members to make it to the final 10. The other 9 where chosen out of many people who had been the ninth caller at an assigned time over the previous week. My girls and I were all on our way to eat some Mexican food. We whooped and hollered and screamed with joy when I heard
my name called at 5 pm on a Friday. I called the station to make sure it wasn’t some other

"Jennifer Delaney" who had won. My younger daughter, Liz, accompanied me on that trip. We hoped Bella could join us – I would have paid for her trip, but she had other obligations. KBCO paid for everything except the food (and fun shopping sprees).

So, was it luck? Or did Love have something to do with it? I am not choosing the word “love” lightly, even though it is overused, especially in America. I am describing an experience of opening out beyond myself and resonating profoundly with whomever or wherever I choose. And sometimes they or it chooses me. Love is a deeper connection – a feeling of expansiveness that invites more of the same into our lives.

I had been to almost all of the same places in Italy only 18 months before I won the trip. I was still harmonizing with the feeling of the culture, people and cities. I longed to return, and I often thought about the details of my trip – playing them
out in my mind as if I were still there. I held it in mind’s eye and felt it in imagination so frequently that perhaps it had no other choice but to become a part of my reality again. No matter the combination of luck and intention, I felt unbelievably grateful.

Many authors write about the power of intention. The power lies not in our thoughts about our dreams and hopes...but in our feelings, specifically Love. Gratitude, considered by many to be the highest vibration, walks hand-in-hand with Love. Personally, I am in constant communication with my Higher Power...with Jesus and God, but I hesitate to use those names because of the negative associations religion has attached to them. I thank my Higher Power several times a day. I feel blessed. The more we are in Love with what we do, who we are, who we are with and where we go, the more love is created and the more our reality responds. Blessings abound.

I have spent a lifetime observing how I separate myself from Love. It’s a human inclination. And I’m not talking only about separating from a partner. Love can be present with our employer, employees, parents, neighbors, children and friends, but we find fault or we focus on how we are not fulfilled or we miss an opportunity because we don't realize how important every meeting can be. Maybe I wanted to shield myself from the pain of eventual love lost whether by death or a change. Why rush death and change along by creating separation?

Recently, I moved to a new level of love. They say we learn by having layer after layer peeled away in order to reveal the vulnerable, joyful core. Without going into details, I watched both of my daughters struggle separately with a sort of personal Hell – both emotionally and physically, depending. Observing their struggles split open my heart. Everything I knew as a mother was called into question (could I have done more or something differently? Could I have prevented their pain or prepared them better for it?).

But, instead of remaining in guilt – which is not helpful to anyone concerned – I focused on how much I love my daughters. Sometimes trials – whether others’ or our own – help to escort information from the mind to the heart. We move from love as a safe concept to love blowing out the doors and bringing with it vulnerability and satisfaction. Total connection requires suspension of the ego and a willingness to risk everything to live with an open heart.

Lately, a few people have said that I look like I am “glowing.” It’s usually after I’ve been dancing or rehearsing – most recently for BOOM with One Big Yes Productions (come see us at the Dairy Performing Arts Center April 27-29 or May 4-6, 2012). When I dance I am in full-body-love. Dance allows me to suspend thought much the way that meditation and yoga do. I am learning,
too, to dance from the heart and breathe, instead of thinking too much while I move. Dancing from the head is safe. I might go too far and fall or trip, but I have to take that chance. It’s getting too late to hold back – too late for me, for the planet, for our community on Earth. My assignment is not only to Love as fully as possible, but to teach this love, to help people clear unconscious motivations that sabotage their ability to feel great joy.

The commitment to an open heart assures that we will not detach from what makes us feel most vital and alive. Whether I am biking around Lucca’s city wall, laughing with my daughters, curled on the bed with my animals or stretching my hand just a little farther to grasp another dancer’s hand, Love invites more love. Or maybe I'm just fishing for another trip to Italy.

Dance photo by Heather Gray.