The Art of God

photo by Vanessa Hill Rogers

  We are never separate from God. This is one of
  many lessons I have been learning from
  discussing my relationships with my spiritual
  masters, Helen Lordsmith and JoLee Wingerson,
  for the last 15 years (I am a slow learner). I have
  heard it said “We are God” or “We are part of
  God." Ultimately spiritual experience is personal
  and the way we frame it is unique to us. We
  decide what that relationship will be. Sometimes
  we pattern God after a wicked parent (which is
  interesting because individuals with Dissociative
  Identity Disorder also develop a personality
  modeled after their abusers).

  I feel connected to God - some Cosmic Chemical, Energetic Power, Paternal-Maternal-Fraternal Force. I like the image Marianne Williamson used of one wave saying to another wave: “Do you believe in the sea?” But, as fate would have it, humans are not created to be sailing smoothly with God in our sails. We are born thinking we are separate sinners, and our egos want us to confirm that with proof, because the ego seeks power at the expense of our health and happiness. People will treat us in exactly the way we believe we deserve to be treated – as Ego or Spirit.

Lovers and friends will come and go, but who are we between those times? Why do we give away our power to the Other as if we are not enough. When we give away our power to them, we are no longer the person the Other chose.

When I’m doing it right, my happiness is not dependent on who walks in the door on a particular day or what they are saying to me. I am totally flowing. To learn this I have kicked and screamed when someone walked out the door or didn’t appear in the way I expected. My heart has been shattered by conditions and expectations, and re-pieced. As as result, I’ve become a better teacher, mother, counselor, lover and friend as I’ve learned how to sculpt my life without expectation for the materials or the outcome. Oh how I’d like to be able to CONTROL things. Grr. My ego is a pirate!

With awareness of the fact that we are never separate from God, we are never apart from the people whom we love. We can feel them in our hearts. This is not a THOUGHT. This is something FELT and, amazingly, we can shift or morph or grow into this feeling state of being. The example I have had to model what true love looks like is my grandmother, Mutti, who died 15 years ago. I can feel her hands wrapped around me when I was a baby. I can feel her embracing me as a teen when I cried after breaking up with a boy. I can feel her braiding my hair, and I still smell her food. Her love was so total and complete. The safety I felt in her presence was so thorough that to this day she is woven into my heart and the loss of her does not throw me because I can still FEEL her. (Papa was great too but he was working long days to help support us.)

Mutti and Papa

I did not realize that this could apply across the board. The trick is to be totally open and present with the people in our lives, the people we love – without conditions. We get into trouble when we think: “I’ll only love you if you stay with me the rest of your life.” That’s a thought. The heart wants to feel. TODAY. LOVE. GO DO IT. Your kids will move out. Your lovers will leave or die. Your friends will move. Your parents are doing the best that she can. What is your personal barrier to love? Because that is the faulty belief that you are separate from God. That is the illusion standing between you and Heaven on Earth.

The Heart will Lead Us Home, and Maybe to Italy!

My sister-in-law, Mai Ling, who is studying the principles of quantum physics, asked me if it was an accident that I won a two-week trip to Italy for two from my local radio station just by clicking on a link? Years ago I joined KBCO 97.3 as an “interactive member” online when I hoped to participate in a pre-sale for Dave Matthews tickets. I found out after the Italian drawing that I was the only one chosen out of thousands of interactive members to make it to the final 10. The other 9 where chosen out of many people who had been the ninth caller at an assigned time over the previous week. My girls and I were all on our way to eat some Mexican food. We whooped and hollered and screamed with joy when I heard

The Depth of Depp and TMI

I am getting ready to go to England with my mother and brother, Derek. We will stay on Lord March and Lady Janet’s Goodwood property and attend a gala, teas and the antique car races. My mother and late stepfather were frequently invited to this and other amazing events, but raising two daughters, I rarely had opportunity to join them. I’m sure the event will make for a fun blog post, considering the theme of the ball is Space Barbarella. All four days we are asked to dress in 40’s or 50’s attire. Personally I would like to dress in costume daily for the rest of my life!

Recently, I watched two movies featuring Johnny Depp: “Benny and Joon” and “Don Juan DeMarco.” Both inspire the audience to live less mundane lives – to wake up to magic and the present moment. The latter questions perception and reality. What are the stories we choose to believe and how to they create not only us, but everything around us? Do our stories serve to help us feel more alive or to kill us? What if

every time we thought something we asked: “Does this make me feel alive or dead?” When does the inner critic slip in (when we least expect) and take the pen from us. Observe. Question. Consider.

Some stories are just plain funny and worth retelling, but some serve to drag us down. In retelling them we relive them. The greatest threat to our egos is to be creative and open to the unknown – to be guided by Love and the Great Mystery or God – whatever your version of that is - and to see what unfolds. How will we be used (by God, by Love, by our higher selves) in each moment? If we are stuck in past stories, we block an opportunity for a deeper exchange with the person or people across from us. An open heart will save the planet.

I look forward to this trip to England, because I don’t know what to expect; however, I am concerned about my mother. I told my friends she had experienced a “TMI.” My nurse/dancer friend, Susan, asked if perhaps she experienced an overload of too much information, or perhaps I experienced an overload of acronyms. Since going back to school for a counseling degree I have definitely been bombarded with acronyms and terms of diagnosis. People have strings of letters after their names that are a language unto themselves. And, yes, my mother could very well be suffering from too much information – she seems to have two speeds: hospital: zero mph and regular life: 120 mph. Rather, she was diagnosed in the hospital with having experienced a TIA (transient ischemic attack), which mimics a stroke and could warn of an impending stroke.

But my mother is not one to dwell in the past – not even yesterday – which has been her savior on the most part. Instead of going into the story that her high-speed life could be her demise, I am going to hold out for the idea that she knows exactly what she’s doing, and has lived a most incredible life as a result. (I can see why she admires Johnny Depp so much.) As to the question if she listens to what her body is telling her – only she can answer that.