I am watching my 16 year old dog sleeping soundly – eyes
pressed closed, her head encircled by a soft cone to keep her from gnawing on
wounds. She has days, maybe weeks to live. I wish she would just go to sleep
one day, outside in the sun, and never wake up, instead of slowly losing function. She’s not in a huge amount of
pain yet, but there are moments like when she can’t stand in the morning and I
help her up and hold her belly until I feel her legs able to carry her weight. She is
still eating although she’s picky. I’ve never known Keesha to turn down
anything!
Today I lay on the back porch with her and sobbed. Her
imminent death brings up the people and pets I’ve lost, as well as those I
will lose; my own mortality… failed relationships and missed opportunities. I let
the grief grab hold and swallow me until it spits me out. It’s the only way to clear
it.
