Starbucks and Revelations

Standing in line at Starbucks, I got to talking to the man next to me. He told me that every morning he drives north to this particular Starbucks to buy his drink and breakfast before getting on the freeway to travel south again to Denver where he works – all because the staff is stellar – unbelievably friendly. “It’s not like other Starbucks.” It adds about 15 minutes to his commute to make this coffee run, but evidently it’s worth it. I’m not much of a coffee drinker, but this phenomenon fascinated me, and I started to go to this Starbucks just to observe the dynamics. And, it was true. Mostly female employees, they were like morning stars that must have risen hours before we arrived, shining down and lighting our way. The woman at the register asked one man how his birthday had been. She asked the next customer if he had found the folder he had misplaced. And, she complimented the third gentleman on his jacket. It was my turn. I thought maybe I was looking into the eyes of Venus. When the dark haired beauty, probably a student at the nearby University of Colorado asked how I was, it felt like if I had said I was having a hard day, she would have pulled me aside and urged me to vent. Her enthusiasm was sincere. I wanted to order more than a decaf Americano – like maybe a couple of salted caramel cake pops, some almonds, a CD and a veggie plate, but I reminded myself that coffee was all I wanted. “Okay Hon, that’ll be right up.” It felt like we were all swept back in time to a 50’s diner.

People long for connection and caring. Taking it a step farther, we also yearn to be accepted unconditionally.  A part of us heals when we tell our deepest (what we consider darkest) secrets to a friend, counselor, coach or spiritual advisor who can receive it without judgment. Accepted, we forgive; we’re a little easier on ourselves. It could be someone who loves us enough to know that whatever we did was what created the person we have become today. Or it might be a confession to a total stranger on an airplane or to a priest. My mother always says that the concept of Catholic confession was the precedent for counseling.

Too, we are thirsty for touch. Yoga instructors will tell you that the more people they can "assist"(helping them to move more deeply into a pose), the more likely those individuals

Dogs and Cats, Men and Women

Keesha, Angel and Toby

Someone said to me that she “likes cats if they are like dogs.” That’s sort of like saying she “likes men if they are like women.” When I described how one of my cats likes to cuddle under the covers and lie on his back like a little monkey while I scratch his tummy, she said: “That’s what I mean! That’s like a dog.” I am equally a cat and a dog lover, and I’m not sure why people prefer one over the other. I think it’s because they’ve had bad experiences. Not all dogs bite and not all cats are neurotic narcissists. Animals come onto this planet with lessons to be learned, just like we do and they can change and grow if we provide those opportunities. A well-attached, well-loved animal will by and large be pleasant to be around, barring a genetic trait (which happens with humans too). Granted, due to biology, dogs are more forgiving. They’ve been domesticated longer. A cat who has been raised in a rough environment will shut down and likely stay shut down, whereas a dog will be more open to winning our love.

Pablo the cuddle bear

Animals are not here solely for our pleasure and yet we take great pleasure in their company. We are graced with their presence and granted the responsibility to take good care of the animals we bring into our homes. Each creature will have a different personality and, unless we get them as kittens and puppies, a previous history – a childhood. It takes them some time to adapt and show their true personalities. And for the ones who’ve had a rougher past, if we can honor their space and timing, they will become great teachers and, often, kind companions.

Angel Boy

For example, our cat Angel Boy arrived on our doorstep on a snowy five-degree day weighing 5 pounds and matted. He was the type of cat who would put up with pretty much anything and slept a lot. About 18 months from the time he arrived, he “woke up.” One day he followed me around, watching me brush my teeth, cook meals, and take a bath. It was as though he finally trusted us to keep him and not to hurt him and that safety gave him the permission to be himself and to explore his environment. He still pretty much put up with anything, but we discovered he also had a sense of humor and a whimsical personality.

We do this to each other. An article by hetero relationship specialist Alison Armstrong, author of Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women, says that many women treat men as though they are “hairy women.” Now there’s an appealing image. :p But it’s worth reading about the opposite sex to learn about the universal patterns related to how they communicate, how they show their love and how they view the world. I know the men who've read about female joy (and I'm not just talking sex here) can make me purr. There is awareness we can gain to bridge the gaps so that we can begin to raise our animals and children to feel safe and to engage with all of the people in our lives with tolerance and unconditional love.