Falling Off of the Pedestal: True Love Explored

The search for love is but the honest searching out of everything that interferes with love. 

A Course in Miracles (267)

Imagine eating several Almond Joy bars (substitute your favorite candy here) while riding a roller coaster in the snow. How different is “falling in love,” that giddy state where about all one can stomach is vanilla yogurt and the other person is pretty much flawless?

I have heard it said that falling in love is a form of insanity. The first time I was afflicted (and blessed) was in high school. The second time was in college, and I married him; I wouldn’t trade those 18 years for anything. The third time - almost 10 years ago - qualifies, admittedly, as insanity, because he was a lying scoundrel living a double life (I never even knew there was another woman let alone a MARRIAGE!). But never mind my perpetual naiveté and a propensity to ignore red flags (both an infinite source of fertilizer for my writing landscape). In retrospect, I understand that sometimes we’re magnetized to another in order to

Skid in Broadside, Balls to the Wall

I am watching my 16 year old dog sleeping soundly – eyes pressed closed, her head encircled by a soft cone to keep her from gnawing on wounds. She has days, maybe weeks to live. I wish she would just go to sleep one day, outside in the sun, and never wake up, instead of slowly losing function. She’s not in a huge amount of pain yet, but there are moments like when she can’t stand in the morning and I help her up and hold her belly until I feel her legs able to carry her weight. She is still eating although she’s picky. I’ve never known Keesha to turn down anything!

Today I lay on the back porch with her and sobbed. Her imminent death brings up the people and pets I’ve lost, as well as those I will lose; my own mortality… failed relationships and missed opportunities. I let the grief grab hold and swallow me until it spits me out. It’s the only way to clear it.