A Response to the Tragic Incident in Aurora

The devastation in Aurora is not only an opportunity to consider and discuss legislation related to mental health and gun control, but it is also a chance to hold up a mirror. Who sends us off the deep end? Parents? The boss? Who triggers us so that we become screaming lunatics? Our children? Who provokes uncontrollable crying or road rage? Stupid drivers? Well maybe. But the fact is, we want to be heard but we end up pushing people we love away. We are "nice" until we're not and we act surprised. It took me years to get in touch with my anger and then it was a process to become genuine yet conscious of my actions. My kids will vouch for the fact that I used to get triggered big time. Now, while I have other challenges that inspire... nudge... no shove me to evolve, being mean and exploding into angry outbursts are not as much of a problem for me. I will share the steps to a practice of the heart.

There is a way to feel anger, to be our animal selves, to be charged without reacting.




When we react, the behavior becomes the focus and not what you want to accomplish. When I would scream at my children, they would think: "There goes Mom the crazy witch," and NOT: "Oh gee, poor Mom. I wonder what I could do to create a more harmonious relationship with my Mommy dearest." Sometimes kids get lost in the crossfire of spiritual and emotional evolution.

We will make mistakes and falter. It’s important to be as gentle with ourselves as we are with the people around us. Pema Chodron says: “To the degree you’ve made friends with yourself, to that degree you can look out of your eyes, feel your heart and care for other people.”

There is a practice that allows us to catch our anger, like a surfer senses a wave in the distance and paddles to the place she knows the wave will rise and carry her. Trumpa Rinpoche calls it: “synchronizing body and mind.” It takes bravery to want to go into the vulnerable feelings and stay out of the fury. Love is terrifying to the ego, but the irony is that when we choose love, we experience the gift of connection. But connection risks loss – to death or to change. To live fully we must risk impermanence. This is the warrior’s path.

So, here are the nuts and bolts. When you feel the charge building or even if it is quick as a match strike, you can become present by becoming aware of your body. Immediately touch your heart with a hand. That is key. Then breathe. If possible, wait to speak – even one second will buy you time to make a better choice. Trust that the awareness of the heart will change the dynamic. Pema explains that thoughts “like little military recruits” will rush in defending why you should verbally level the other person; however, the great warrior is not the one who pulls out all of the guns, but often, the one who does not react.  (For further support, listen to Pema Chodron’s “Fully Alive.”)

It’s easy to move into the heart in the presence of a lover, but how about in the face of someone who insults or berates you, who makes assumptions about you or cuts you off so that you are forced to slam on the brakes?  It takes a certain bravery to want to go into the vulnerable territory and stay out of the fury, which is cold and dark. The more we practice this, the easier it becomes.

What does this have to do with the shootings in Aurora? My heart goes out to the families. I am deeply saddened by the violence. It’s easy to point a finger at the “insane” person out there, knowing very little about them. The courts will take action. Karmic justice will take care of the injustice in our lives. We don’t need to be the judges. the more we acknowledge our personal degree of mental illness, the sooner we heal our deep-seated anger and/or fear as individuals, the more our families benefit and, eventually, the world. The time to awaken is now.