Martha Beck makes me feel a little less crazy... a little. In her recent book, Finding
Your Way in A Wild New World: Reclaim Your True Nature to Create the Life you Want, she puts words to the experience I’ve been going
through. I have been able to describe the weird dream-not-dream I was taken on in
March 2006 because it was visual (if you haven’t heard that story I will write
about it in a future post), but this new wordless-feeling-sense I’ve been going
through now – perhaps as an outgrowth of my dream-not-dream – was too hard to
describe (and evidently requires hyphenated phrases and original words). According
to Beck, Australian Aborigines call it “Everywhen.”
I remember when I first heard the word “bulimia.” I was
about 20. I experienced both relief and regret that my illness had a name. I thought I
was the only person on earth that did something so disgusting and then it turns
out there were a bunch of people like me and I was no longer unique. What?!? If I was going to be twisted, I at least wanted to be unique. Funny that we can get
attached to our addictions as readily as to our highs.
But, thankfully I recovered from bulimia 27 years ago, and I can't classify this new experience as a "high" although it is ecstatic. The love it generates is outside of attachment to what I need or what anyone does. I am relieved and excited to discover this powerful
experience I am having, this “Everywhen,” is being shared. We need all the help possible –
from seen to unseen forces - to shift the consciousness of our relationships and of the planet so that every being can be empowered. Every soul will shine with
its unique and not so unique gifts. Neurosis - mine or anyone else's - is such old news and offers
little material for art. To move to the cutting edge, we put our ear to the ground, to the heart of the earth, to each other’s chests
– to fathom the depth and expanse of what is possible.
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| Grasshopper and dahlia at the organic Lone Hawk Farm |
This week someone in my extended family was diagnosed with
cancer. Tonight I begin co-facilitating a HospiceCare group for the newly bereaved.
Yesterday I met with my three clients at the Regis lab engaged in one of the
most intimate relationships on the planet. The experience I am having that I call Bellow(s) pervades all of my relationships. It is whispering (in expansive thrust), calling (in low, whale sounds) me to my deeper path. I still get sad but the love is so big that it engulfs me like the sea. I can't see it, but I can feel it. People are no longer
three dimensional, but multi dimensional, accompanied by messages from their ancestors, encompassed by vivid images as though their spirits are painting in living color all
around them. Everything is so ALIVE just by being ineffable inside
of the experience of what IS. Becks points out that LIFE is not the opposite of
death – the opposite of death is birth, so life has no opposite.
People have always joked that I don’t need to be on any
drugs, and now I’m beginning to understand what they really mean!
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