Starbucks and Revelations

Standing in line at Starbucks, I got to talking to the man next to me. He told me that every morning he drives north to this particular Starbucks to buy his drink and breakfast before getting on the freeway to travel south again to Denver where he works – all because the staff is stellar – unbelievably friendly. “It’s not like other Starbucks.” It adds about 15 minutes to his commute to make this coffee run, but evidently it’s worth it. I’m not much of a coffee drinker, but this phenomenon fascinated me, and I started to go to this Starbucks just to observe the dynamics. And, it was true. Mostly female employees, they were like morning stars that must have risen hours before we arrived, shining down and lighting our way. The woman at the register asked one man how his birthday had been. She asked the next customer if he had found the folder he had misplaced. And, she complimented the third gentleman on his jacket. It was my turn. I thought maybe I was looking into the eyes of Venus. When the dark haired beauty, probably a student at the nearby University of Colorado asked how I was, it felt like if I had said I was having a hard day, she would have pulled me aside and urged me to vent. Her enthusiasm was sincere. I wanted to order more than a decaf Americano – like maybe a couple of salted caramel cake pops, some almonds, a CD and a veggie plate, but I reminded myself that coffee was all I wanted. “Okay Hon, that’ll be right up.” It felt like we were all swept back in time to a 50’s diner.

People long for connection and caring. Taking it a step farther, we also yearn to be accepted unconditionally.  A part of us heals when we tell our deepest (what we consider darkest) secrets to a friend, counselor, coach or spiritual advisor who can receive it without judgment. Accepted, we forgive; we’re a little easier on ourselves. It could be someone who loves us enough to know that whatever we did was what created the person we have become today. Or it might be a confession to a total stranger on an airplane or to a priest. My mother always says that the concept of Catholic confession was the precedent for counseling.

Too, we are thirsty for touch. Yoga instructors will tell you that the more people they can "assist"(helping them to move more deeply into a pose), the more likely those individuals

will return, regardless of music or flow. I remember a study done about cashiers who (seemingly unwittingly) brushed a customer’s hand as the cashier was handing the customer change. (A similar study was conducted with doctors and patients.) When questioned afterwards about the cashier’s service, customers were prone to report more favorably if a cashier had quickly brushed shoppers' hands. And, how many people go to doctors because they are lonely?  In the article: “Healthy but Lonely People Head to the Hospital During Holidays,” author Wynne Parry explains: “isolation violates our nature as social animals.” She adds that loneliness occurs primarily in elderly patients, but it can also appear in younger people, despite different causes. I remember going to doctors one year in college for perceived ailments when I craved male attention. It wasn’t until many years later that I recognized the depth of the loneliness I had been feeling.

Spiritual teachers say that separation is an illusion. The more we learn to love unconditionally the fuzzier the boundaries become between us and others. We begin to read each others’ minds. We call just as the other is picking up the phone. We tune in to a common wavelength and feel less and less alone as we are sourced in love. But, as humans and social animals, to remain healthy, it is important to seek touch – from a loved one, a massage, a yoga class or a pet – and to choose the coffee houses where baristas are not just taught to pretend to care, but where it is evident that we are seen for the beautiful souls that we are.