Life in the Mystical Middle

There are no accidents. When we get out of our way and open to the possibilities outside of ourselves, the universe responds. Sometimes we miss the signs, but eyes wide open we will be led.

One of my favorite coincidences was the time in graduate school that I was required to choose a favorite author and a topic and speak to it for 30 minutes. I am a huge fan of the magical realism of Isabel Allende (Eva Luna and The House of Spirits - also a great movie by the way), probably because my life has been so blessed with synchronicity - full of wonder, occasionally strange and seemingly impossible. I decided to address the differences between fantasy, surrealism and magical realism.

I was walking down the hall at University of Colorado when I ran into a classmate. She asked me how I was doing and I told her about my report due the following day. “Isabel Allende is speaking at the Tattered Cover in Denver tonight!” she informed me. I couldn’t believe my luck! I had no idea!

When I arrived at the renowned bookstore, people were already pouring outside of the crowded room. I don’t know why but I impulsively plowed a path through the mass. Stepping over people: Excuse me. Oh sorry! I managed enter the room, stopped at the end of the open aisle. At that exact moment an elderly woman on the aisle of the 3^rd row turned and motioned to me with her index finger to approach her.

Dog of our Heart

REFLEX
When I heard the jingle of a collar as I was making tea this morning, a hopeful flash raced through my body before my mind had time to stop it. KEESHA’S BACK! Of course she’s not; she’s dead. Transitioned. Crossed over. It was my daughter's dog's collar. My body keeps anticipating what my mind knows is not true. Grief has many faces. I’m a little confused, really tired and have no sense of time. I cleared my schedule to give myself the space I need to honor my companion, which includes writing these highlights of our time with Keesha.

STROKE OF LUCK

When Bella was 6, she started riding lessons at a local riding center, Mita Sunke (which means “my horse” in Oglala Sioux). Lizzie was 2 and would observe Bella’s lessons with me. The first time we set eyes on Keesha she was tied near the parking lot, and she dropped down and rolled over for a belly rub. We kneeled and stroked her soft, red coat. When I looked into her eyes I thought: “You are my dog!” But that was impossible! She belonged to the wonderful family who ran Mita Sunke. I walked over to Sandy, one of the barn owners, and commented: “I just LOVE your dog.”

“Do you want her?” she asked point blank.

Skid in Broadside, Balls to the Wall

I am watching my 16 year old dog sleeping soundly – eyes pressed closed, her head encircled by a soft cone to keep her from gnawing on wounds. She has days, maybe weeks to live. I wish she would just go to sleep one day, outside in the sun, and never wake up, instead of slowly losing function. She’s not in a huge amount of pain yet, but there are moments like when she can’t stand in the morning and I help her up and hold her belly until I feel her legs able to carry her weight. She is still eating although she’s picky. I’ve never known Keesha to turn down anything!

Today I lay on the back porch with her and sobbed. Her imminent death brings up the people and pets I’ve lost, as well as those I will lose; my own mortality… failed relationships and missed opportunities. I let the grief grab hold and swallow me until it spits me out. It’s the only way to clear it.

Whale Tale

Today, shortly before Savasana – or the period of relaxation after a strenuous yoga class - my instructor played music that featured whale calls. With my eyes closed, and my legs twisted left while my torso twisted right, I was immediately transported to the sea. In 1996, after a day of whale watching, I was snorkeling off the shore in Maui when I heard whale songs. Likely, the Humpback whales were more than a mile away, but the water carried the sound so clearly that I scanned, wide-eyed in my mask, 360 degrees to see if I could make out any massive forms. Their bellow resonated in my heart, and I knew that I would never forget that moment, that at the end of my life I would hold it as an image when I am being carried from this world to the next. [Image courtesy Animal Planet site]

Having evidently thoughtfully chosen that piece of music, the instructor interrupted my thoughts by saying that whale calls can be healing; that we might consider listening to their songs as we slowly switched our twist to the other side, earth bound and 1,029 miles from the closest sea.

I remember the feeling when the boat’s engine was cut in the vicinity of whales and seeing

The Heart will Lead Us Home, and Maybe to Italy!

My sister-in-law, Mai Ling, who is studying the principles of quantum physics, asked me if it was an accident that I won a two-week trip to Italy for two from my local radio station just by clicking on a link? Years ago I joined KBCO 97.3 as an “interactive member” online when I hoped to participate in a pre-sale for Dave Matthews tickets. I found out after the Italian drawing that I was the only one chosen out of thousands of interactive members to make it to the final 10. The other 9 where chosen out of many people who had been the ninth caller at an assigned time over the previous week. My girls and I were all on our way to eat some Mexican food. We whooped and hollered and screamed with joy when I heard